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my america's a
loss collection
an invention
a requiem
in b(urned bridge) flat

reborn in
insect-peppered
roadside sacrament
leaking dust
to color brush
creeping
climbing
hills
to frame the big empty
it gets me

thinking

pain is just
something
we live with
it ceases only
at the end
of the life
that it
begins with

and I spend
every precious
instant
(in altered states
of existence)

crossing lines
avoiding eyes
creating distance
road poem
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Daily Deviation

Given 2009-10-12
rest area by *YouInventedMe as the suggester colorfully notes, reads like 'it's the voice of someone who has no solid home but America's waste land, bathing in airport bathrooms and scraping what money they can to eat at fast food joints while watching their organs become display in a museum, their love like dirt under their fingernails.' The are several vivid details here not to be missed. ( Suggested by rottenpeeches and Featured by LadyLincoln )
:iconsodiumrabbit:
SodiumRabbit Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Professional Writer
An A plus for a Bb groove. Love Supreme man ;)
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014   Writer
Thank ya!
Reply
:iconone-dryad:
one-dryad Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wondrous as always, jazz man! :clap: I especially love the 4th stanza...thanks for all the ways you've taught me to see over the years, my friend! :heart:
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013   Writer
Many thanks.
Reply
:iconone-dryad:
one-dryad Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
But of course. :aww:
Reply
:iconacciopen:
acciopen Featured By Owner May 27, 2010  Student Artist
i like how there isnt any punctuation. i dont know if you did that on purpose but it adds to the piece.

crossing lines
avoiding eyes
creating distance

=:heart:
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2010   Writer
very much obliged

(ps. most of my pieces lack punctuation.)
Reply
:iconacciopen:
acciopen Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010  Student Artist
youre welcome.

hah yeah, i noticed after reading some of your other pieces.
Reply
:iconartifice-child:
artifice-child Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2009
The subtleties here demand a focused read-through. It caters to no one, which is a brave stance to take as an artist.

It's substantial in its simplicity; this piece just works.
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2009   Writer
much obliged.
Reply
:iconjessgoeswest:
jessgoeswest Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2009
so i favorited this poem on the day that it was a daily deviation but i wanted to tell you that i come back sometimes read through it because of how much the images and emotions you convey here completely affect me. i feel a pang in my chest when i read this.
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2009   Writer
very much appreciated. thank you.
Reply
:iconrebel-brat:
rebel-brat Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
i don't fully understand this, but it screams to me and it clings to all the crevices within my mind and leaves me writhing with a burning feeling of "internationalism".

to color brush
creeping
climbing
hills
to frame the big empty
it gets me

thinking


i love the way these lines in particular leap out in terms of imagery, it makes me imagine vast, endless roads and sweeping desert plains.

i enjoyed the reference to drug-abuse,
and I spend
every precious
instant
(in altered states
of existence)


and the allusion to the dystopian and removed society we live in these days.

crossing lines
avoiding eyes
creating distance
.

Most evidently though, is your voice. It appears to have changed from a quiet cynicism into one of quiet reflection and observation.

If that even makes sense. XD
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2009   Writer
much obliged
Reply
:iconpoetrymann:
Poetrymann Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2009  Professional Writer
It is a wonderful poem...and a very well earned DD. Your work continues to impress. Congratulations!
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2009   Writer
thank ya much, big b
Reply
:iconmeghan-solo:
meghan-solo Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2009
absolutely beautiful. breathtaking.

:heart: faved

congrats on the DD!

*rottenpeeches is a real gem
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2009   Writer
thanks!

and, yes, she is
Reply
:iconmeghan-solo:
meghan-solo Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2009
:D
Reply
:iconwackyjax:
Wackyjax Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD. :)
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
:D thanks
Reply
:iconmic-too-cliche:
MiC-TOO-CLiCHE Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
congrats, man!
i've been expectign you to get a DD soon enough. =D
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
:) thanks
Reply
:iconaadea:
Aadea Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
and I spend
every precious
instant
(in altered states
of existence)

crossing lines
avoiding eyes
creating distance

&

creeping
climbing
hills
to frame the big empty
it gets me

thinking
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
okay fine we can make out
Reply
:iconaadea:
Aadea Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
alright okay,

just because you were so pushy.
Reply
:iconaadea:
Aadea Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
awfuck, thanks da, I wasn't finished with that.

Moment killer,

I wanted to say something along the lines of

god shane (using your name sorry) you rip the ugliness out of where it goes and you make it over into something good, like a prettier ugly or a softer ugly that's hard but sad and smiling.

Or

:/ with a big fat congrats to everything ever, including this (you obviously deserve it).

Ah, I don't know. You rock. A lot.You say it good/bad and I love it. Hear me world -I LOVE SHANE'S POETRY. AND HIM!
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
and I am just now seeing this
and I stand by my previous response
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
Oh bravo to you. And congrats on your DD, dearheart. xx
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
:hug: thanks, love
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2009   Writer
But of course. :hug:
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
And you submitted this on my birthday...what a lovely brain-present.
Reply
:iconcornerstoneascetic:
CornerstoneAscetic Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
Great sounds and rhythm in those last two stanzas.
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
thank you, sir!
Reply
:iconsquirrelflight-77:
Squirrelflight-77 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
Fabulous!! So glad I read it! :D
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
thank you
Reply
:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
That final stanza could do well on its own. It packs quite a punch in the head of humanity. I would connect it to the line in parentheses directly preceding it, though.

Sorry for only focusing my comment on that part of the piece, but it jumped at me. I had to defend myself.
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
no apology necessary. always appreciate
the input. thanks.
Reply
:icondead-now:
dead-now Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Any time.
Reply
:iconfollowmebackhome:
FollowMeBackHome Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
sosobeautiful
:heart:
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
thanks so much
Reply
:iconfire-link:
Fire-Link Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
Good poem. What gave you the idea to write it?
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
thanks!

it is, as the author's comments state,
a road poem. it's a pretty personal piece
that I wrote in the parking lot of a rest
area in Wisconsin.
Reply
:iconfire-link:
Fire-Link Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
road poem. Is that writing a poem on the go?
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
road poem written during traveling.
in this case, from Montana to Chicago.
Reply
:iconfire-link:
Fire-Link Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2009
Oh cool.
Reply
:iconwolf-flash:
Wolf-Flash Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
Beautiful.
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009   Writer
thank ya much
Reply
:iconwolf-flash:
Wolf-Flash Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
You're welcome! :hug:
Reply
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