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[an unperson poem]

each
time
that I left
you found me
more
appealing

'til your
face
was just a
shape I'd
create
in the white
specks of my
ceiling
but

memories fade
and our soft
paint
is peeling
with each
graceless mistake
it flakes and
falls revealing

an immense
lack of faith
and feigned
lustre concealing
cracks in our
foundation
and the baseness
of our feelings
grown

faint
like a
fate
I no longer
believe in...


[and epilogue]

(I once
hoped we
might ignite
but we
don't
don't
don't
don't

I used to
wait on
your return

now I pray
you wont)
:iconyouinventedme:

Author's Comments

big money
big money
no whammies
no whammies

Comments


:icontheleavesofmemory:
Awesome! The short lines help build the emotion and i can feel the love described fade away.

:heart:

--
JN: ~25.09.89 - 14.01.09~ Forever in my heart

Member of =RawEm0tion ~Acid-Burst-Love-Fed
Avatar by ~marchetooo


:heart: CONTEST FOR A CAUSE! WINNERS [link] :heart:
:iconyouinventedme:
thanks very much

--
an antique arms and armor expert
:iconrubius:
I watch too many game shows. :blushes:

Beautifully written! :heart:

--
:butterflytwo: ... Shortcut to my gallery: [link]
:iconkneelingglory:
Love that rhyme scheme, really makes the emotions come off the screen. :+fav:

--
*DailyLitDeviations | *Critique-It | =TheContestClub | *DailyDeviants

Not For Sale: Fighting Human Slavery
:iconlastbestthing:
the short lines are beautifully abrupt. the repetition of the word "don't" is really gorgeous, i adore it. the only thing i am not 100% sold on, as of the first couple readings, is the use of square brackets around "[and epilogue]".

--
"In one of the many places you're not, I am."
:iconyouinventedme:
:heart:!

--
an antique arms and armor expert
:iconyouinventedme:
thanks, love.

--
an antique arms and armor expert
:iconyouinventedme:
thanks very much.

I ended up using the brackets for
the open & close, though originally
I had the words "an unperson poem"
and "and epilogue" in bold instead.

I just felt the brackets worked better.

--
an antique arms and armor expert
:iconthetaoofchaos:
indie rock song lyrics - the "epilogue" makes a good chorus
;)

--
The world is an eraser for these words


- Jack Kerouac


we must destroy that which contains us
:iconyouinventedme:
:) interesting take.

--
an antique arms and armor expert

Details

March 30
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